I've been noticing something lately, not necessarily in the manuscripts I'm editing, but even those I'm reading, and I'm noticing it more and more. It's starting to bug me. I love it when a writer keeps POV to one character per scene, or at least doesn't head hop so often they are switching POV's every paragraph. However, when you create a scene in, say, the hero's POV, when you switch to the heroine's POV, you don't have to recount the entire previous scene just to put it in her POV. For example (I'll try and keep it abbreviated):
Nick backed away from Jenny, who sneered at him like a circus clown gone mad. When did she turn into such a complete whack-o? She took a step forward, her hands reaching, her fingers forming claws. Her nails gleamed like red Christmas bulbs in the flourescent light of the hallway.
"I don't have to put up with this," he said, his voice losing a bit of its previous authority.
"You'll do exactly what I want you to do," she said, her last words slipping into a growl. She launched at him and shoved.
Nick tumbled down the stairs, cracking his head on the last concrete step. Jenny's laughter echoed down the staircase as he wavered in and out of consciousness.
* * * * * Jenny couldn't believe it. She had just pushed Nick down the stairs. His head had made a satisfying crack on the last concrete step when it hit the bottom.
She'd approached him, and she could tell he wavered. He was scared. He was nervous. He backed away from her like a boy backs away from a father brandishing a belt.
When he spoke to her, his voice quavered. He wasn't so mean now. The command was gone from his voice, and when she had replied, her voice seemed to have gained the authority his lost.
She'd jumped toward him, and shoved. Then, she had laughed, laughed like a circus clown gone mad.
See what I mean? She basically just repeated everything Nick went through in his scene. Also, notice how she had to use all the passive voice in her scene? Anyway, I hope I made sense. I've got to go wash a little kids hair now. And please don't think I write like my examples. I try and be over the top to try and make learning fun. :)
Name: Mindy Home: Albuquerque, NM, United States About Me: I am Senior Editor for an imprint of Champagne Books. I am married to an Air Force Officer, who is currently serving his country in Afghanistan. I have three bright and beautiful children. See my complete profile
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